1.2.1 January 1998. Auckland Day.

1.2  

They cruised back toward town along the motorway.“Yohyohyohyoh, ma’fuckers Shut UP! . . . fukn shut up, jist fucken . . . fukn CHILL, I said! – chill you fukn dicks f’once!” In the back Any-G awaited silence, Santa’n Dex each side, a warm beer from last night in one hand’n the last ciggie in the other like he’s this fukn ball’n sceptre ma’fucker or some shit. Leaning forward again, he stabbed the air with the cig like  – “Iss like . . addis point, all I’m gonna say, wanna let y’all know . . . – cuoz I fukn love you fucks’n’at shit – that – righnnow, we inna fuckn . . . fukn,  Sevent Form – a’ight? Fuckn, from now on . . . we. Fukn. AREda 7t-form, a’ight? – We-we we inna fukn sevent. Chamber. NOW Saarn! YooknowutI’msayn? Know. What. I’m. sayin to y’all fukn, bitch-ass niggers?” Wohdever . . . dick. “Thaz righ’,” he answered himself, “so fahrken, reppassent – yoh, we Wessin Springs – a’ight? Co-Offender Kru . . . big fukn COK$ up innis ma’fucker, a’ight?! – Nighnie fuckn ayh’ . . .  – We roowlah fukn schoow – word.” Any leaned back.“So fahken, turn that shit up, baybee. You know how we doo.” 2Bronx was jiss there riding shoddie’n shit, jiss reckoning like, fuckn, awlat anna ma’fucker don’t know where t’even fuckn score us a foilie from! Fuckn dick, ay? Boys is like, drivin roun inna stolen vehicle out t’this open house fuckn over Beachaven or some shit, where Any says he got skunkies, like, a few months ago . . . – Then can’t find the street, then reckons he ain’t going in – . . . cuos like, from getting busted buying weed off of a fuckn D jiss aftah the place’d got turned over! An’jiss, I’m like fukn . . . – whatta fukn shitty one! Well I weren’t fukn going in! Jiss didn’t even say shit ay! Now, later on’n as usual, ma’fucker’s jiss still going on’n’fukin’on, tryna make us forget the shitty buzz jiss talking boolshit.“- Yoh, iss like, from tomorrow I said, all them fuckn liddle . . . fuckn, . . . liddle juniors bettah watch their fukn step, word – . . . bettah recognise. Recognise my fucken stael, sayn?” Catching Bronx’s bored, almost contemptuous expression in the sideview, about then Any reckoned he was problee, y’know – it’s like, jiss boys’n shit, aftawl. He leaned forward again as the cigarette ashed’n burnt away.  “- So when I see like – see a young junior, I be . . . I be like – I be like . . . - sssst . . .  - sssst . . . – Ow tick! wherez my shooz, eeh-ow yoo liddle farkin tick – they might look like they fit my bruthah, ay -” Snigger. “- Ohr nah, jis-chokes, boh, jis-chokes . . . ohr . . . – you’s’s doe-kno whereda score us a foilie from there-ow-bohe?“Hoahwwre, fuck – everyone cracked up but for Bronx. Fuckissnot funny. “Kedding Smart-ow Kuhnt?” Any went, poking his head in front – dragging out the comedy act, but still challenging’n shit, like how I should stop being a sad cunt. Bronx jiss cut back at him, real, like – “Fuck, bro, you gonna share that fukn ciggie for once or do I’ve t’take you t’the fuckn . . . fukn, Treaty of Waitangi-ow you fuckn white bitch?” Fuck, you ain’t black, dick. “Where’r we going?” Went Thuggie to us, cruising. It was him who got us the ride, last night. Jess’s parents were away’n shit so we got on the piss over there. But Any the fuck, calls up half the fukn school’n shit started getting 2loose so we jiss fucked off to get int’some crime. Any’d got these Heinies off of those 5^th form dicks that Dex knows, so we were all good, jiss cruising roun getting more pissed off the beers’n shit. Put up some hits, broke int’some cars – thats when Thuggie got us the Honda, got us a ride. We were gonna cruise it into town, see if we could score a foil, but Any’n Thuggie were keen to smash over these fukn faggoty bogan dicks we saw’n chased after them tryna rob their shit’n that, but I jiss went fuck that’n gapped it back to Jess’s. They were jiss little fukn dicks ay, didn’t have no shit. Jiss stoopid shit, being dicks, horsed’n shit, pretty much. Probly jiss cuoz of y’know, holidays, bored . . . dumb cunts. Rule the school – like, wohdever. Fuckn cheesy shit don’t y’reckon? Kinda a joke, like The Fonz or some shit ay, y’know? . . . but kinda real as well, I reckon, cuoz of, yeah, y’know – jiss now that Junior’n most of his boys are gonna be gone, who’s gonna fuck around, I mean seriously? No cunt! So then like, if it’s real, then fukn, repprasent! Ma’fucker’s is notorious, dog! We fukn kings’a th’Springs now! Thas right bwoy, fukn . . .  bellee’dat . . . Boys were all jiss buzzing, ay like, fuck it, y’know. The sun is out’n awlat shit’n we right here inna biggest, most fukn . . . onto it city in New Zealin, an’as of tomorrow, the loosest fuckin school inna zone is bought to you courtesy of yours truly, an’eese ma’fuckers righ’here – known Co-Offender Kru, runnin’ shit in nighnie-ayh, sayn? Wordup. But jiss fuckin Any the cunt, talks shit ay, going on’n on like a fuckn dick rider, jiss makes it seem . . . fukn, jiss more like . . . bullshit, ay, I reckon. Fuck dick, this ain’t Top Gun. You ain’t the Maverick, you ain’t Bruce Springsteen – you ain’t the fukn Boss, dick, you fukn, you fukn  . . . Vanilla Ice, chump! Cept he’d know where t’hook us up a fuckn sesh for once! I mean fuck, jiss lissning to that dick all day was jiss starting to piss’m off. Fuckn, pretty much always pissed him off, pretty much . . . but now, aftah annuva fukn holidays bro, twenty-four/seven – fuckn, jiss sick of shit by now, honnisly! No one gives a fuck but, about y’know – could be snapped out again’n ain’t dark yet so we can’t siphon us some more petrol’n pretty much all a fahkin waste of time! Ain’t scored no fahkin weed’n now ain’t got no fuckn ciggies left eever! Shitty one, I reckon! Shit jiss goes on’n fuckn on, shoulda fukn jiss stayed behind with the bitches, pretty much. . . . – yeah wohdever.